Tuesday, April 6, 2010

Diaper Duty

Before I had a child of my own, the thought of changing a dirty diaper triggered a gag reflex so violent, it sent me searching for the Pepto. You would've thought that as an elementary school teacher, I would've become accustomed to all things gross. Snot, whatcha got? Boogers, bring it on! Tiny booboos from playground tumbles, ain't no thang! And after seven years of teaching, I'd seen just about everything. But no matter how hard I tried, there were still a few things I couldn't handle. Let's just say I am a firm believer that what goes down (a child's lunch for example), should stay down. And if it's coming from a place usually covered by pants, then check please 'cause I'm outta there.

A bit ashamed to admit just how squeamish I was, I was the teacher with the supply of latex gloves in my desk drawer that never hesitated to send for cleanup help at the first sign that a bodily fluid of some sort was about to make a surprise appearance. Until Gillian Grace was born, I had never changed a diaper, let alone a dirty one. So I figured that I was either going to be the worst mother in the history of the world, afraid of what may be lurking in my own child's diaper, or I was going to learn to hold my breath and get 'er done! Luckily, as it turned out, my aversion to bodily fluids was no match for my instinctive need to nurture my child, and I quickly got over my poop and puke paranoia. I can't really explain it, but some how it's just different when it's your child.

During GG's first few weeks on Earth we documented practically everything, and being a new mom I obsessed over the number and type of dirty diapers she had. But it didn't take too many tally marks before we abandoned our log realizing that all was A okay in this area. We also quickly learned the tell tale signs that she was working up something special for us. Her face turns chili pepper red, her eyes narrow and fill with tears, and a series of grunts ensue. When this happens, it's time to batten down the hatches and head for cover 'cause she's gonna blow! And what ever you do, don't laugh. Hide your face if you must, but never let her see you smile while "work is in progress," as she's very sensitive and will have a meltdown so big it'll make Britney's hair shaving incident pale in comparison.

Just yesterday, Gillian Grace had not one, but count 'em, two baths before 1 o'clock in the afternoon. We always take a bath in the morning, but the impromptu after lunch spa time is not usually a part of our daily routine. The need for a little scrub-a-dub-dub arose after GG's afternoon constitutional of apocalyptic proportions. Of course this all happened only minutes after Daddy headed back to work after lunch. To say that this diaper was massive would've been the understatement of the century, and it wasn't only Gillybean that was left needing to be scrubbed. On the bright side, we were at home and not out running errands like we usually are when a poop of this magnitude happens. The fine art of diaper-chi is tough enough without having to add the cargo area of an SUV, a diaper bag, and too close for comfort gray-haired drivers that can't park their over-sized Cadillacs to the equation. Funny how Gillian Grace always saves all the diaper drama for her Mama.


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Please do not disturb...
(Vintage GG, September '09)

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Work in progress...
(Fall '09)

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Thank you for your patience!
(Fall '09)

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Yesterday's second bath of the day! I'm so clean I squeak!


On the way into Target a few weeks ago...


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On the way out...Notice anything different?

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Usually Gillian Grace decides to wait until we head out on our errands to take care of business. Experience has taught me to pack at least two changes of clothes, always!



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26 comments:

Holly said...

ahhhh haha! I was the same exact way with bodily fluids before the baby. I worked in Kindergarten and dealt with some not so funny situations. I'm glad it's different with our own children!

mylittlenoopy said...

I confess I bought a box of latex gloves for poopy diapers before I had the Noopy! :D

Keeping Up With Kaegan said...

This post cracked me up! :) What a doll.

Ashley Bray said...

That is so funny! I needed that on a Tuesday morning.

Natalie Catherine said...

haha don't you love those poopy explosions!! we have peed our pants almost laughing so hard at the craziness! i mean...we probably were just delirious from being exhausted..but it just is crazy the diaper disasters you have with your little ones haha. ps your little on is adorableeeeee. :)

I Do Declare said...

I didn't change my first diaper til last year, and it was just damp...I feel the same way you felt pre-GG. It's fun to read these new mommy thoughts as I THINK about working my way towards that path.

t.bird said...

oh my- look at her little chunks!!!

www.thehusaileybunch.com said...

http://thehusaileybunch.com/you-have-received-the-stiletto-award/

bbcd mama said...

Your line about "afternoon constitutional of apocalyptic proportions" was awesome!

The first time my oldest had the stomach flu, her diaper was SO bad that I found her - literally - COVERED FROM HEAD TO TOE in liquid poop. I sat her in an empty tub, grabbed a pair of scissors and CUT HER CLOTHES OFF HER before bathing her. That was by FAR the nastiest thing EVER. I hope GG doesn't have a bout of stomach virus any time soon!

Laura said...

Great post! However, just wait until she poops in the bathtub! Oh, and it WILL happen!

As a new mom - breast-feeding mom - that was one of the things that I was NOT prepared for! Was the BM blow outs! Ugh!! So disgusting! Alise literally had a blow out on me one Sunday morning in church and I thought I was going to die! Thank God I was in the balcony that day and it was during the sermon. I made a haste exit. And then there was the yellow smocked dress that it didn't matter where we were, but if she had that dress on, you could guarantee there was gonna be a blow out!!

SOOOOOOO glad those days are over!!

ThingsToDoWithKids said...

haha, this is cute. I so know what you mean. I never changed a diaper until my son. I have been around plenty of babies, but the though grossed me out. I don't mind at all with my boy though. I've had his mess all over me and I am still ok with it. LOl, I love that she waits to go run errands before handling her business. It's like she knows. My son loves to go at Nana's house. When he was a baby he'd often get constipated, so I'd take him to grandmas because it never failed. Within 10 mins of being there he'd handle his buisness.

KatieJones said...

Lol! I went to Target the other day with Ellie, and halfway through my shopping trip I realized I had dried poop on my arm : ) Its all in a days work right? P.S. I voted for you on Top Mommy Blogs!

Beth McC. said...

I love your blog- so cute! I love the blog and love all of the pictures of that sweet baby! Thanks for stopping by today and leaving me a comment about Flossy!

Andi said...

I have to say I love the poop stories! Once you have kids it really is one of the funniest topics of conversation. I have kidless friends who do not understand the obsession/focus of Miss A's bowel movements! But talking to friends with kids, they always get it!

Krysta said...

Haha, I hear you on that one! We have recently switched to cloth diapers and leaks and blowouts have become a thing of the past! It's great!

Manhattan Mommy said...

I know what you mean...I always bring two changes of clothes too!! and tons of diapers :)

The Ross Family said...

I can plan to a tee when Bobby makes his dirty diaper each day - luckily, it is in the morning before errands :) Too funny of a post though!

Becca said...

Thanks so much! I love this post and your GG is just beautiful!

Sailor and Co said...

She is SO cute!!!

Denise said...

First, thanks for stopping by my blog and commenting. Second, there isn't a thing I don't love about your blog! I love everything and the way you write keeps me reading and wanting more. I love your nicknames for Gillian Grace (like Gillybean). She is just so adorable. I am following so that I can read more fabulous stories as she grows:)

Karen said...

OMG, I am rolling!!! It sounds like our little girls have a lot in common in that department! My baby girl had two blowouts the first day of daycare. I was one proud momma, let me tell you! Glad to see you and GG are Target girls!!! That is our ultimate happy place.

Karen

Mungee's Ma said...

Thanks for stopping by Mungee and Me and becoming a follower. We had an outfit change just yesterday due to an unfortunate blowout that smelled like none other I have ever smelled.
Your GG is precious, I love the Wordless Wednesday pictures!

Christi said...

That's hilarious! She is a cutie!

Carissa said...

This was so cute! Glad to know I'm not the only mom who fears those diapers! Looking forward to reading more about GG!!

Brandy said...

I can relate! We've already been through 3 outfits today (the puke just won't stop) and it's only 11:30 - add antibiotics to the mix and it's pure misery!

p.s. I voted for you also!

Jilly Beanz Thingz said...

My daughter is Jillian Ella and we call her JillyBean as well! So cute to see that.

If you haven't had poop explode out of your daughter's tushie while changing her and hitting the wall, you haven't experienced anything!!!! LOL